My Philosophy of Counseling
There is a deep longing to reconnect with our “True Self” and to live it authentically. I am Peter Roseman. This is a fundamental underpinning of my work, whether with mental health (depression and anxiety counseling, grief and loss counseling, and the like), counseling significant life transitions, addictions counseling. For over 40 years, I have practiced psychotherapy throughout Southeast Michigan, and have increasingly grounded my therapy in this simple premise: the extent to which we are able to be “real” with ourselves and others; the extent to which we can confidently tolerate our feelings and thoughts about things, without shrinking from them; and the extent to which we are willing to express ourselves openly and spontaneously and appropriately, even when it's hard, is the extent to which we will live healthy, vital, well-adjusted lives. We have the right to be our authentic Selves, no mater how we feel, all of the time, simply because it's our right!
In living authentically, we feel deserving enough to care so deeply about ourselves, that we have enough left over to responsibly care about others too. Whether oriented in Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, Brief Solution Focused Therapy or EMDR, whether working in Transpersonal, Shamanic, or weaving together several traditions, the theme of being honest with oneself and others at all times is my therapeutic metaphor.
ABOUT BEING A COUNSELOR, A THERAPISTIf you've visited my WHY THERAPY? page, you found a host of reasons that people consider counseling. Typically they are experiencing a moderate to severe level of stress or emotional discomfort that may have led to poor job or academic performance as well as increasingly dysfunctional relationships. It is normal to feel some anxiety or nervousness when beginning counseling, for it is never easy to face tough problems. More, so many of us fear Opening Pandora's Box! For some though, it's a huge relief to finally start therapy and take control again!
Being a Psychologist is an amazing profession full of challenges, heartaches, and celebration. Client’s allow me to be with them when they are at their worst and see them at their best. For me, it just doesn’t get any better than being a part of their success. Here are 10 aspects that I embrace as fundamental to our relationship. More than any technique or clinical orientation, I believe that it is our connection ~ the integrity of our relationship that is most catalytic in healing. I do hope this clarifies what you can expect from working with me.
I’m not thinking you’re crazy!
Since the beginning of my career, I've held the position that everyone I see is a creative and unique individual, just trying to find their way in the world. None of us are perfect and I certainly don’t expect you to be! Serious change usually requires risk taking and experimenting and to my mind, there are no failed experiments! This is important: the result of an experiment simply gives you information about whether you're are on the right path (in which case, we continue with the experiment) or, the path you’re on is not going to take you where you want to go (in which case, we tweak the experiment, change it a bit, and try it again). And if I think, as your collaborator, that the design of your experiment is off, I’ll let you know that in a good way. It’s what you ask of a guide, isn’t it?
Trust is everything.
Your ability to connect with me will be the number one factor determining how well we work together and how effective your healing will be. If you don’t feel like you click with me after a few sessions, it’s OK to be ‘real’ about it and let me know. I will be glad to help you find different therapist. This is simply an ethical practice that we, as therapists understand as part of the human experience. And if you find that my clinical approach is not working for you, I’m open to tweaking that too. So there’s never a need to feel bad, or to feel guilty about speaking your Truth about it. We all need different things and my top priority is to help you identify and connect with the best of your Self with which to relate authentically to your world.
My job is not to “psychoanalyze” you.
...Been there; done that, and could do it again! But over the years, I’ve come to realize that my job is to be more of a collaborator and to help you gain more understanding about what your spirit already knows. I don’t think a good therapist claims to have all the answers about why you are the way you are, you have them! You just can’t get to them. Answers and changes are found in our collaboration; in the process of relationship! I will have some ideas and insights that I will share with you, of course. With them we create experiments together with which you can come to your own understandings and new, more satisfying ways of being. My gift is the in the ability to create an environment that is ripe for your own answers to emerge, so healing happens. Your gift is having those answers deep inside yourself, even though you don’t know you do! My part is to facilitate that process of discovery, not to tell you how to think or what to believe or how act. You've probably had enough of that anyway! Your part is simply to be open and courageous enough to step into your own Truth, take it into the world, and act on it.
With rare exception, I’m not here to give you advice.
I’m here to share my knowledge with you and help you make your own decisions that are balanced, rational, and well thought out. Encouraging your own creative excellence strengthens your reasoning and decision-making skills. And solidifying your resource circle is, in my orientation, the perfect set-up for increasing independence and self-esteem. What do you think?
Work through your emotions with me instead of quitting, anger included.
I see therapy as the ideal forum within which to learn how to express your feelings accurately and appropriately. That’s what I’m here for: to offer a safe place for you to experiment with new ways of being, thinking, and feeling. Take advantage of this. When we learn how to work through our difficult emotions not only alone, but especially in the presence of others, it increases one’s core sense of an individuated Self, and is therefore a catalyst to our personal power. What I promote here, is your incorporating an emotional skill set out of which close, even intimate relationships are predicated. Relationship, and life in general, simply becomes easier, happier, when we are open and spontaneous in expressing what we think, and how we feel, accurately, spontaneously, and appropriately. This is a necessary component to maintaining relationships with All Things of the Earth and managing your emotions in a healthy way.
While back-sliding doesn’t have to happen, it often does. I’m not here to judge that.
Most people judge themselves and find themselves guilty enough for several jail sentences! I encourage my clients to be honest with themselves without judgment. It’s only through openly acknowledging relapses that we can figure out how it happened, so that you don’t have to relapse again and can catapult forward. Back-sliding is totally common and a part of the healing process. It is never something that is used to inspire shame.
You deserve to be happy.
Happiness is not reserved for special people. Everyone has regrets ~ things we wish we never would have done, people we’ve hurt along the way, people who have hurt us either intentionally or unintentionally. I’m a firm believer that we can heal our wounds and step into happiness. You deserve it just as much as the next person. And you deserve to be happy for no reason at all!
I can’t “fix” your life or your problems. Only you can.
I can help you gain more clarity, more understanding, and form plans of action. There is nothing magical about therapy. It does takes work, but if you’re up for the challenge, it can certainly feel like magic is happening! I always look forward to being a part of that...I don’t bail!
The only way to realizing your personal power is action: do something differently.
If you continue to come to therapy without putting any new behaviors or thoughts into action, progress will be a slow process, if even possible for you. The path to action is different for everyone, but if you never do anything different, you’ll never get a different result. You’re the only one who can decide to take action. You already hold all the power! Here, I would encourage you to read my short article, “Vision and Action."
I want you to have the life you want.
Sitting together, I come to know your struggles, your hopes and dreams, your insecurities. There is nothing I want more for you than for you to bring your dreams into reality, push through your fears and self imposed limitations, and have the life you want. Seriously, your success is the ultimate gift to a therapist. More importantly it's the most worthwhile gift you can give yourself!